Sitting in traffic years ago, I can remember gripping the steering wheel and saying to myself, “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know”. I was stressed, overwhelmed, and constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. As I began my healing journey, I kept finding that I was still saying the ominous “I don’t know”. It was paralyzing and I was getting frustrated not knowing what I didn’t know. At some point, I decided to chase it down and find out.
I paid close attention (and I still do) to when I would utter or think the phrase “I don’t know” and then I would actively question it. Eventually, I figured out-
“I don’t know” means:
- Something is complicated and I haven’t figured it out
- My feelings are complicated and I’m emotionally blocked
- I’m trying to interpret someone’s intentions or the future
- Or it’s a dismissal of my thoughts and feelings
Very rarely does it mean:
- I don’t have the facts or knowledge
By decoding “I don’t know”, I realized I was dismissing most of what I was feeling, that I was emotionally blocked, or that I was trying to make sense of things that I had no control over. This helped me to get clear on finding answers by processing how I felt, validating my experiences, changing my perspective, and being more resourceful.
I’m so conscious of the phrase now that I pay attention to when others say the phrase and it serves as a reminder of my own journey to processing my experience. It also serves as a great identifier for another person is on their journey and provides me with an opportunity to help them process feelings and validate their experiences.
“I don’t know” doesn’t have to run our lives. With some good questioning and processing, we shift “I don’t know” to a place of clarity.
