Within psychology and holistic work, there exist the ideas of the inner child and shadow work. For many, these ideas are vague and mysterious. I’d like to take a moment to briefly share my thoughts and experience about the two ideas and how they are related.
Perhaps you’ve heard the story about two wolves inside each person. One is black/evil and the other is white/good. The moral of the story is: which one are you choosing to feed? In the story, we might substitute the black wolf for the shadow and the white wolf for the inner child. Each contributes to how we treat ourselves, how we view the world, and how we operate.
Most often, people will immediately work to stop feeding the shadow and start caring for the inner child (called Inner Child work), which can lead to some immediate successes. However, we cannot fully learn and grow until we understand why we view the shadow as bad or evil. This is called shadow work.
Inner child work is understanding ourselves from the perception of how our inner self developed throughout childhood. An easy way to think about it is to imagine giving compassionate advice to a friend or child, or how you would treat a pet. The idea is to give yourself the love and support you need now by imagining how you would give it or how you wished you would have received it. Inner child work is also called Self-Compassion.
Shadow work, on the other hand, is about understanding the darker sides of ourselves. Often this is viewed as bad or evil; however, it is most often the wounded part of ourselves that developed coping mechanisms to survive. Some of these coping mechanisms translate to limiting beliefs and unhealthy behaviors (e.g., believing that people are out to hurt me or eating Oreos after a stressful day). Shadow work addresses the wounded parts of ourselves. This can be emotionally painful and cause us to avoid doing the work or become defensive when these wounds are addressed.
Both inner child and shadow work are beneficial for personal growth. When I started to address my inner child, it was indeed healing and comforting. However, when I started addressing my shadow work, I was met with my inner demons and pain. It was something that I had to practice with an objective, yet curious mindset in order to address. Developing an objective mindset where I was aware of how my mind and body were being triggered, but also objective enough to move through the discomfort, was key.
It allowed me to reexamine the story of the two wolves. Instead of a good wolf and a bad wolf, there was a whole human being—one who has needs and one who has experienced both good and bad. Looking at the story, or rather myself, in this way has allowed me to reframe how I approach my healing and personal awareness. It has allowed me to extend grace to others and to find it in my heart to forgive. Lastly, it has helped me to cultivate a compassionate and loving relationship with myself—my whole self.
This has led to unprecedented levels of growth and has helped me become a better son, brother, friend, co-worker, coach, and healer. As I continue to do this work, I am constantly amazed by the people that I meet and how the ideas of inner child and shadow work can shape a person. It is some of the most rewarding work that I do, for myself and others.
